Forget
by lalarandoms
Summary: Sonny opened up his dark past that he had hidden for years, and now he needs help to forget. (18x11 inspired)


Inspired by episode 18x11, and I do not own the rights to Law & Order SVU.

And reviews are welcomed.

It had been so long since Sonny had been to a bar, the smell of cigarettes invades his senses. Sitting at the very end of the bar by a wooden wall, he stares at the reflection of himself from the mirror across from him, behind the top bottle shelves. He didn't like what he saw - the young, scared teen that he kept locked away for so long. The memories of him that were gone had now returned to haunt him. His numbness started to grow from his fingertips crawling through his arm. It was the same numbness that he was used to when he was a child, the numbness that protected him from his horrors.

Sonny sat with a blank stare. His eyes fixed on the mirror across from him; hand wrapped around the half-empty frosted glass. Deep down, he had wished he never brought up that moment in his life out on the table in such a dramatic way. He didn't want his fellow squad members, and more importantly, his lieutenant to know about is past. About how much of a loser he truly was and still is. But Sonny knew the only way he would have gotten the young boy to open up was by sharing his story, and he succeeded. Kyle went on to testify against his own father and ended up putting him away for good, where he belonged.

The vibration from his pocket started to annoy him. The endless calls and text messages from Amanda; asking him if he was okay and if wanted to come over. He appreciated her efforts and considered, but he was needing something else. Some other way to forget.

The numbness has invaded his entire body, the sound of the bar became muffled. Everything around him seemed to slow down. The actions from one of the bartenders were painfully slow. His surroundings were coming to a complete stop. His memories of the day when his face was thrown against the glass. How slow it had happened floods his thoughts. He can still hear the glass shatter and feel the pieces of glass hitting and cutting up his face. The sound of his sisters yelling and pulling Bobby off him.

Then he remembers his father yelling at him later that night after he had returned from the hospital. Sonny's father blames him for being bullied. If only he acted more like a man than some feminine twink, he wouldn't be bullied so much.

Sonny's eyes flicked down to his drink, the amber color reminds him of his childhood home. The amber color of the living room that he had been pushed against one too many times, as his father tried to "man him up". The same wall where he lay in the fetal position when his father yelled. That night his father beat him with a belt when he found his journal; his written confession of his confused sexuality.

It was the amber color that brought him closure and sense of freedom. The freedom he achieved through the help of his priest. It was the amber color of the confessional booth where he came out on an early summer morning, on a Wednesday. The amber color of the pastor's office where he was told his sexuality did not define him and that God loved him for him. That being gay was okay and accepted in his and God's eyes. It was the sense of relief and tears that ran down his face when the priest held him. He whispered in his ear, _"The heavenly gates will always be open for you, Sonny"_.

These thoughts were broken with a light tap on his lower back. His back tightens in defense and his numbness kicked into high gear. That was until his eyes met with a pair of tired green eyes. His body calmed down immediately, his numbness had escaped his body; he felt safe at that moment.

A calm voice asks, "You okay?"

Sonny turned his attention back to his drink, nodding his head in response. "Yeah, just uh- you know. Thinking."

"That could be dangerous."

Sonny chuckled at the comment, though he was right. "Right."

From the corner of his eyes, he watched the older man sit on the stool next to him as he ordered his usual. Whiskey on the rocks. Sonny began to study the habitual actions. The way he played with his gold watch every minute or so. The way he would lick his bottom lip every few seconds, unable to keep them moist enough.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Barba asked before taking a sip of his drink.

"No, it's not worth talking about," Sonny replied softly almost childlike.

"I've been there. I understand."

Sonny couldn't help but roll his eyes, he didn't want to talk. He wanted to drink and forget. Forget about the memories that had flooded his head. The memories that cause his heart to ache, to feel like a small child. "I know, I know."

"Then talk," Barba replied intensely, his body leaned closer to Sonny.

Sonny turned his head to face Barba, their eyes meet. The green eyes that stared at him searched for an answer, searched to find what he was hiding. It was hard for Sonny to not fall mesmerized with the green pair. "I don't want to talk."

Barba grew frustrated, he turns his attention back to his drink; taking a long sip. His eyes now glued to the mirror across from him. "Why am I here?"

"To forget."

Sonny stood motionless in dimmed lit bedroom, the moonlight tracing his tall slim body. His numbness had soon returned, the silent cab ride brought the memories back. He shivered at the soft kiss placed behind his neck, arms wrapping around his waist, the hands that were playing with his belt buckle. His eyes rolled while his head fell back onto the shoulder of the shorter man behind him. The hot breath against his neck awakened his goosebumps, the tongue that traced his ear turned his stomach to knots.

A chill rolled down his spine at the sound of his buckle being undone, the sound of the zipper lowering, and the cold chill that past him. A soft moan slipped past his dry lips as a pair of small hands traced his abdomen, the fingertips that trace his pelvic line. The coldness that had wrapped around his hard cock. The slow stroke that he begged with no words needing to be said.

"Please, make me forget," he whispers into Barba's cheek.

Their clothing scattered around the cream carpet. Their nude bodies were traced by the moonlight, they lay in the middle of Barba's bed. Each reaching out to touch each other. Their fingertips slowly tracing the soft skin of the others, feeling the goosebumps rise with a simple touch. Their eyes never leaving the others, lost in a world of their own.

Barba's index finger traced Sonny's lips, he moans at the peak of the taller man's tongue licking the tip of his finger, giving him permission to enter. Barba shivers at the wetness of Sonny tongue wrapped around his finger, the slow sucking moments gave little imagination.

The way the moonlight lay on Sonny, made him look like a canvas; the way the light traced his slender tone in a dramatic art like matter. The way the moon made his blue eyes look darker and lustful. His milky skin radiation under the moonlight.

It was Sonny's light moan that fogged Barba's thoughts, the sweet taste of the lips he had capture made him lightheaded. The taste of cheap beer that lingers on his taste buds, the smell of Sonny's cologne that he inhaled into his lungs warmed him in an indescribable way.

Sonny wrapped his arm around Barba's waist, bringing the older man closer to him, closing the little gap between them. His tongue dragging across the Barba's lower lip, demanding for more, which was quickly granted. The warmth of their tongue dancing as their hands began to explore each other's body. He moans between the kiss when he felt Barba's hand running through his hair while the other traced his long neck.

He frowns at the broken kiss, but soon realized as he moaned at the wet trail that was placed on his neck. He turned his neck to allow more access as Barba's tongue dragged up his neck before stopping behind his ear. His jaw clutched at the feel of swirling and sucking from Barba, leaving a mark behind his ear.

"Lay down," Barba demanded, his voice full of lust and breathless.

Sonny obeys and lies flat on his back on the middle of the king size bed. He watched Barba place himself between his legs, his green eyes staring at him as his tongue slowly licked the tip of his head.

" _Fuck_ ," he moaned out. Sonny's hands gripping at each side of the bed sheets underneath him.

Barba spelled his name out on the tip of his head as he took much satisfaction in watching Sonny clutch on harder. The beautiful sound of Sonny's begs made him hard, the pleas for him to stop teasing rang beautifully in his ears.

"Please…" Sonny choked out begging, holding back his tears. "I need to feel."

Barba stopped. He knew Sonny was hurting, but it didn't hit him until the tears began to run down Sonny's cheek, the pleading to feel was real.

"Get up, and turn around. On your knees."

Sonny again obeys, he found himself on all fours. His watery eyes stare at the moon that watched and heard his pleas. He shivered at the sound of the condom being undone. Sonny turned slightly to look at Barba, who held a bottle of lube in his hands. "No, please. I want to feel," he whispers.

Barba shakes his head as his inches closer to Sonny from behind. "I'm not going to hurt you." He said as he bends down and placed a single kiss in Sonny's lower back.

His knees buckled at the cool sensation from the lube, the feel of Barba's finger inside of him. Preparing him to return back to reality.

He held on tightly onto the bed sheets under him, his eyes shut at the feel of Barba slowly entering him. The painful feel of Barba's fat and hard cock slowly slipping in and out of him. But he needed more.

"Harder."

"You're not ready," Barba replied as he continued his slow paced.

"Please, just fuck me hard," Sonny pleads.

Sonny cried at the hard thrust Barba gave him, the speedy in and out motion. The nails that dug into his side as Barba held onto him.

"Mmmm, harder," he demanded breathlessly.

Barba's moans became louder as his thrust became more violent, his moans muffled by the sound of Sonny cries. The cries he knew were being undone with each thrust he did. It was his loud moans that covered Sonny's pleads for more.

"Oh God!" Sonny cried out as tears ran down his cheeks. The memories of his father smacking him around. The memories of the day Bobby smashed his face against the window, busting him open.

Sonny was hurting. His numbness broke away with each hard thrust, the feel of Barba filled inside of him brought him into reality. The warm blood that trickled down his sides as Barba's nails dug deeper. It was the guilt he carried and hidden that overpowered him. It was emotions that Sonny never wanted to feel, but was now being felt with every thrust.

His watery blue eyes flicked back up to meet the moon, the shadows of their actions were being played out like a video. Sonny's numbness had vanished at Barba's last thrust, his body shook at loud grunt that came from Barba. The moans that echoed in his head, the sudden halt of the thrust he had endured.

He gets back up to only realize he too had come hard, from the look of white stains that laid on Barba's black sheets. He buckled once again, only to be held up by his long arms when his sudden feel of weakness attack him. A soft, warm hand placed on his back snapped Sonny back, the hot breath against his cheek told him that Barba was close.

He turns his body to face Barba, who stands to his right. Sonny notices the exhausted look on Barba's face, the rise of his chest as he too tried to catch his breath.

"Sonny, say something. _Por favor_ ," Barba breathes out.

Sonny took Barba's hand, his eyes deeply lost in the glossy green pair. His memories long forgotten. The words his father spoke were no longer haunting him. The flashbacks of Bobby's torment no longer were vivid or existed. Sonny's reality was here, and it was with Barba.

" _Thank you_."


End file.
